Keep Your Coffee Warm and Fashionable !

Kim White Creations:

This is a greatly interesting Etsy shop with unique items.
You can see a couple of them here.   Someone had their thinking cap on when they designed their products.

I believe I can hear the artist now…thinking about her coffee muffler designs :

“I love my coffee and I want to keep it warm and safe and well protected from the wind and snow.  I want to protect my coffee from the elements, and I also want my coffee to look fashionable.  I want to dress my coffee up in bright flowery colors, so that my coffee can attract other cups of coffee, maybe find a suitable coffee-mate, and settle down and get married.  When my coffee gets married and has little coffee kids, I want to dress them up too… they will be little cups of expresso and I can make them little expresso cup sized hats !”

You can see from the photos that she wants her coffee to look bold and vibrant in that pink muffler !  You can also see in the second photo that sometimes, the artist wants her coffee to relax in the forest and maybe take a little nap in the soft bushes surrounded by nature.   Our little coffee is healthy and spends time outdoors, breathing and letting off steam in the fresh air !  Our coffee buddy gets plenty of exercise and only goes for low-fat all natural creamer and natural cinnamon flavoring !


Our coffee drinker, shown her in her own muffler, prefers to fully cover up her face from all public inspection and is also shielding herself from all wind and possible snow and sleet up her nose !  That extra wide muffler comes in handy when our coffee drinker decides to sleep over at her boyfriend’s house… she can use that mega- muffler as a blanket for them both !  

Etsy Shop:    kimwhitecreations

Link:   http://www.etsy.com/people/kimwhitecreations?ref=ls_profile

Items For Sale:  Mufflers for your coffee cup, other knit items

ETSY SELLING TIP # 12

Sell “Green Items”

Remember when buying “Green Products” meant that you were buying a house plant ?

Remember when “Going Green” meant you were wearing a green shirt and a hat for St. Valentine’s Day?

Remember when having a “Green Business” meant that you were growing pot in your backyard ?

Not anymore…now “Going Green” means that you have to pay attention and be nice to the stupid selfish Mr. Environment…yeah that same Environment that gives us biting flies, mosquitoes, cold rain, sleet, and makes our feet all yucky dirty when we walk around barefoot in the summer.   Yeah, thanks a lot Mr. Environment…now you want ME to be NICE to you ?  Get rid of those bugs and we’ll talk.

Selling “green items” is all the rage these days for businesses so you may as well jump off the same green cliff and join the green furry lemmings.    Here are some good green item categories to get involved in :

Recycled Items :     You can sell your old newspapers as “green wrapping paper”…. you can cut the tops off of 2 liter Coke bottles and sell them as “green planters”… you can sell your old clothing as “green cleaning rags”.

Hemp :    Get your hands on some Hemp and sell it as anything…knit some ”green clothing”… braid some “green ropes”… weave some “green fish nets”… don’t do anything and sell it as “green stuff called Hemp”… smoke it if you are stupid… 

Body Trimmings :      Trim and shave your beard and save the trimmings to mold into an ashtray….save your belly button link and knit a colorful sweater (this will require wearing very colorful clothes to catch those colors in your belly button) … trim those “hairs down there” and stuff some“green pillows” – soft as a Down Pillow, but much more personal and intimate.

Things You Grow :    Grow something in your backyard and sell it as “Organic Green”… grow tomatoes, cucumbers, or any other vegetable and people will think they are buying something so chic and exclusive from a gardening dork head like you.

Baby Legs ? or Salt and Pepper Shakers ?

Back in high school, they had different classes for different types of people.  They had basic core classes for kids who were average in academics, they had upper classes like Calculus and Physics for kids who were technical, and they had classes like Wood Shop and Ceramics for the kids who smoked big heaps of grass before they went to class !

Looks like the owners of the shop “MODERNFX”  were all over the ceramics classes in high school and sure enough they are still smoking plenty of mari-hucci on a daily basis !   Check out the amazing ceramic items were on display :  you can even plant your own grass inside a baby’s head !  When you get the munchies for smoking that grass, you can season your food with the Baby’s Legs Salt and Pepper Shakers !   Oh my freaking gawd, I am in need of a big smoke right now, just to put my head around these ceramic wonders !   And I don’t even smoke.


I also had to post the “Multi-Racial Jesus” salt and pepper shakers because it really warms my heart that the artist has welcomed the son of God and has adorned him with several colors to choose from.  He should have made a brownish colored Hispanic seasoning shaker for the chili-pepper flakes and that would have really added the full rainbow set.  Heck, he could make a yellowish colored one and we could have put some curry powder or something for the Asian crowd.  Let’s all link hands and sing We Are the World, We are the People.  
  





SHOP NAME:  modernfx

LINK:  http://www.etsy.com/people/modernfx?ref=ls_profile

ITEMS FOR SALE:  Ceramics that will blow your mind and melt your heart

ETSY SELLING TIP # 12

Produce “Modern Art” in 3 Minutes :  Good Profit Margin

We all know that most of the “Modern Art” or “Abstract Art” that we see on sale on Etsy is produced in a really short amount of time.  Those artists make a great profit from their art, since it only takes a few minutes to produce the artwork !   They are brilliant !

So, I have a new business plan.  You can work for me as an artist on my Modern Art Etsy site.   I’ll pay you 50% of the sales revenue.

This Etsy Tip will require some math…so bear with me.  If you spend 3 minutes producing a “Modern Art” piece, that means you can do 20 works of art in one hour.  But let’s be conservative since we are not a Sweat Shop – I will allow you a 2 minute break for the bathroom every hour and a 90 second break for a coffee and a smoke every 11 minutes since I will be working you so hard that you will need that caffeine and nicotine boost just to keep you going through the day.    So anyway, we will assume you can easily produce 10 pieces of Modern Art per hour.

Holy Smoke !   In just 3 hours you can produce 30 units of Modern Art that I can post up on my Etsy shop and sell for $40 each.    That’s $1200 per day… $6000 per week… $300,000 per year.   You get half of that!   Of course I get half and I plan to employ 12 people just like you.  That is a nice salary when you work for my Sweat… I mean my Etsy Shop.  I’ll allow you 2 hours for packing and shipping of the artwork.   That is only a 5 hour work day !

  The rest of the day, you can spend time cleaning my house, washing my car, waxing my dog, massaging my house plants with sun tan oil, scrubbing the barnacles off of my 80 foot yacht, and other useful things that I can think of.  

Warrior Goddess Metal Bra

Men love boobs… and we also love strong metal work such as car bumpers, metal cooking grills, and hunting knives.   This wonderful Etsy shop craftworker has combined boobs AND metal !   She’s created dual boob hardhats… army helmets for ta-tas !   Talk about a Sports Bra – how about a bra that is impervious to bullets, swords and spiked clubs ?   Warrior Goddess Metal Bra !

This Etsy shop owner could take this whole concept a step further and create a modern line of metal chastity belts !   There are thousands of over-protective fathers all across America who would gladly plunk down a fortune to be able to lock their daughters’ private parts away during those adventuresome teen years…when our kids run wild and rampant.

I do love the expression of the artist here as she models her own Warrior Goddess Metal Bra.  She has that “Geeeez, this metal bra is really cold against my skin and it makes me want to pee pee like a true modern warrior goddess”.

I wonder what her date does in the back seat of the car when he’s trying to unhook that bra during a heavy make-out session ?   Does he have to bring a blow torch or bolt cutters to unhook the bra from her back ?  Sounds dangerous !    Here’s to the Warrior Goddess !  Raise your Goblets in salute !

Shop:  bcyrjewelry

Link:   http://www.etsy.com/shop/bcyrjewelry?ref=pr_shop_more

Items for Sale:    Jewelry, clothing, and protection for your private nasty nether regions

ETSY SELLING TIP # 11

Buy cheap items at the store- sell them as “Handmade Items”  

Everyone tells “White Lies” in their lifetime, right ?  We men tell white lies when our wives ask us “do I look fat in this dress?”… and our wives tell us white lies when they say “you are SO GOOD in bed!”   My mom tells me white lies when she says “I am so proud of you son”. 

So, now it’s your turn to tell some big old fashioned White Lies. 
You can make a financial killing by buying cheap items at the discount stores and selling them on Etsy as “Handmade Items”.  
Start with the 99 Cent Store or Big Lots, and buy any arty type stuff there… little figurines, children’s toys, kitchen stuff, etc.    After that, go browse the local K-Mart or Target and buy the really cheap discounted knick-knack stuff that they put on sale in those sales bins.  After that, bring them home, take them out of the package, and photograph them in a really nice decorative setting, like on a kitchen table with flowers and a nice painting on the wall.  Surrounding the really cheap junk you just bought with really nice things makes that junk seem more valuable.

If you bought a country style oven mitt at K-mart for $ 2.25, you can describe it as “Handmade cotton country farmhouse inspired oven mitt for those home-baked apple pies and biscuits”… and sell that thing   for  $ 18.00 !   If you purchased a pair of chrome plated hoop earrings at Target for $ 3.99, you can turn around and sell them for $ 25.00 as “Hand-crafted silver fashion hoopie momma earrings for that uptown girl looking to shake her money-maker at Da Club”.   If you bought a cheap-o cloth bear doll make in China at the 99 Cents Store for 99 cents,  you can sell that junk for $ 22.50 on Etsy as “Handmade knit fabric soft-as-a-baby cutsie bear baby for your cute little baby, baby”   

NOW GET TO WORK !

Have Whiplash? You Need a Designer Neckbrace !

Seems that this Etsy shop has taken the concept of high fashion to a new extreme. 

People who have medical ailments often add fashion to their medical accessories.   We’ve seen people who paint or use color markers on their arm casts …especially teenagers.    We’ve seen people wear hats and bandanas on their head when they have hair problems.   But now on Etsy you can buy a “Fashion Neckbrace” !

Oh sure, you may think this item shown is some kind of actual fashion from Victorian times… and some may call these fashion items that cover the neck a “neck corset”.   I know that these are actually fancy pants neckbraces that are disguised as fashion items.  Who in God’s Green Acres would wear such a nutty little item as this neck corset ?  Not my mom…not my wife…not my dog…and not my mailman.   That’s right … I asked them all and they said NO WAY JOSE…except that the mailman is actually named JOSE and he turns out to be a cross dresser who fancies old period dresswear.    He said YES WAY JOSE.

I wonder if they have fashion wear for people who have excessive gas ?  Cause I could use such an accessory…as a gift item for my brothers, of course…not me.   My gas is perfect and quaint and dainty.

SHOP:  kvodesign

LINK:  http://www.etsy.com/listing/75937021/size-small-elegant-victorian-steampunk

ITEMS FOR SALE:  Designer Neck Braces (okay they are actually Victorian Neck Corsets ya’ll)… and other vintage type fashion wear

ETSY SELLING TIP # 10

Sell Junk as “Vintage Items”

Here’s a great way to keep your house spotless and make some money on Etsy:
Clean out the crap in your house and sell it as “Vintage Items”.

We’ve all seen quite a few “Vintage Items” for sale on Etsy.  A lot of sellers are out there selling really cool collectible items that have style and are truly “retro” and can be considered desirable.

To make a fast buck, you need to clean your closets and garage of anything that is over 10 years old and sell it as a Vintage Item.  If the items are not beat up and scruffy looking, then you need to apply a good scratching with steel wool, a chemical abrasive, or a sharp salad fork. 

Take out those too small Levi’s jeans from 1997 and tear some holes in the knees and pockets for that “Weathered” or “Distressed” fabric look that all people with small brains desire.  In fact, generously apply lighter fluid to these jeans and set them on fire for 30 seconds or so to obtain that “Been in a Burning Hot Forest Fire” look.

Take those Time magazines from 1988, alter the date on the front with some good ink pens, and pass them off for 1938 Time magazines.  Make sure not to include magazines with presidents like Barrack Obama or any of the Bush boys… but you can use anything before 1988, and most silly fools will buy your magazines and not suspect a thing.  Just put them in a plastic preservation sleeve and apply some tape to seal it… and they will likely never even open the magazines !   Voila !

Grab those Barbie dolls from the 90’s and apply some real abuse using various sharp objects from around the kitchen and you can pass them off as Barbies from the 1950s !   Magic !  Weathered objects sell, so you need to really apply some abrasive action on Barbie’s skin to make her look 60 years old.  Just pretend like it’s your mother-in-law and go to town !